Journal de smithersboy, 30 août 23

I'm not sure who may see this, but I saw my dietitian yesterday. This is the first man I saw probably about 2018 when I weighed around 55kg and wanted to lose my tummy. I would have been 58 years old. I'm a small frame but my mother and her sisters are the shape that I am, so I have no real waist and hold my weight on what I call my Homer Simpson tummy. I've had four cuts across my lower abdomen (three babies and one earlier operation), so I'm battling whatever happened to those muscles. I'm 63 years old now, walk on a treadmill for an hour a day (most days) and have started lifting weights in my garage on a simple weight bench that has weights and I can exercise my legs too. Very basic, but makes my heart pump. I do have the weights attached with straps to the ceiling so if I slip, they will not fall on my neck. In April 2022 I listened to a different dietitian who said I was not eating enough, to eat more and my body would realise I'm not starving it and things would settle, but warned me I would put on weight. I did research and saw this could take a few years, but I ate more and put on 9kg in a year, felt so uncomfortable and hated it. A year later, April 2023 I went back to my old dietitian who was pretty aghast that I'd put on that weight. He's put me back on 1100 calories, try not to eat less, two nights fasting, but I could eat just vegetables and that works as well. I've worked hard, walking most days on the treadmill, aiming for 1100 calories a day. I do enjoy treats, but try to fit them into that limit, but obviously some days I go over. I don't regularly do the evening fast, but at times if it works for me, I'll fast and not eat til lunchtime. He calculated that at 60.7kg (yesterday) I'm sitting at 27 BMI, but if I get to 58kg that would be a good place for me if I want to trim my tummy a bit more. I know I cannot "spot lose" but he is going to give me some tips next visit to "spot tone", which I'm happy with. I know BMI isn't the only thing, but at 63 I don't want to be skinny. I want to be healthy and feel comfortable within my skin. I don't mind having a bit more weight, because I'm not in my 50s now, hormones play their part, and my aim is to be healthy, not skinny. He did say it's better to have a little extra weight in case of illness, so anything lost during say, catching the flu, means I would lose some fate before losing muscle. I think I've finally worked out that I've been striving for something I may. never have again... a flat tummy. I'm 1.5kg heavier than when I went to the second dietitian to lose my tummy, but I feel very good within myself. I know my metabolism is crap, and he says the only way to improve that is to walk say 1.5 hours a day. He said people who walk every day do so much better than others, though I sit a lot when I'm not on the treadmill. This is a long post, basically to say I'm finally realising I don't need to fit anyone else's idea of what my weight should be. I just want to continue to be healthy and feel comfortable within my own skin, and feel nice in clothes that fit and not have to choose flowing clothes, which I was doing as I was gaining that weight. I so wish I'd gone back to him and not the other dietitian, as I've just spent a year gaining weight for no good reason. We go away for a holiday soon, and once back, I'll take photos of the gym equipment I have at home and he will plan exercises to tone my stomach and exercise different muscles than I'm doing now with my basic weights routine. He's a dietitian and an exercise physiologist so he knows what he's doing. He's funny and real, and so easy to work with. I feel like I'm back on track. I'm looking forward to eating more once I'm not trying to lose.